It’s a daily struggle
I struggle with posting about dealing with my grief, part of me says these are quilty people, they don’t want to hear it and another part says, these are also my friends who care about me and how I’m doing.
Well if you’re still with me now, I’ll tell you how I’m doing. I’m struggling.
I spent ten days with family and friends celebrating my nephew’s wedding in Colorado. Five days in Colorado and 5 days in New Jersey and Pennsylvania. It was a lovely time with a lot of laughter and a few tears. The wedding was beautiful in a refurbished barn – straight out of Pinterest! The bride and groom were beautiful and handsome as were the attendants. I was thrown for a loop when I looked at the program and they had a “in memory of” section with Tom’s name there. I just didn’t expect that and the tears came. Then hearing loving vows so close to what would have been our 35th wedding anniversary, I lost it again. At least at a wedding you don’t get odd looks when you cry. I am so grateful that my son came with me to the wedding and that Tim and Chris were there with me. I spent a good deal of time hanging out with my niece Amy and her fiance John and my nephew Jeremy and his girlfriend Karen. Awesome “kids” who made the trip a lot of fun.
The problem was when I came home. After spending all that time with family, I came home to an empty house. So quiet. No one to talk to. And the weather hasn’t helped, nothing but grey skies and rain. Talk about depressing. I’m trying to keep busy because then I don’t think so much, but at some point you have to stop and rest and then it starts. I realize all that I need to do, the decisions I have to make on my own and how much, how very much I miss him. Life without him is so very hard. And I don’t want to burden anyone with my pain so I keep it to myself. My sister-in-law Christine is out of the country so I’m missing my daily calls from her, she always has encouraging words for me and I know she understands my pain.
So I’m writing here, in hopes that it helps me with my struggle. If you’ve made it this far, thanks for “listening”. I’m not sure I feel better, but I certainly couldn’t feel worse.
Peace,
Lisa
13 Comments
I have a glimpse of what you are going through, watching my Mum. Well meaning family members telling her she shouldn’t still be grieving. At my sons wedding thinking how much my Dad would have enjoyed meeting all those people.
I am with you, thinking of you.
We still need a beer date too.
First, let me say I’m sorry for your loss. I understand grief, but I do know everyone’s journey is different. It comes in waves, for me. My younger sister passed away this past November. We were extremely close. I’ve learned that this grief we feel, we will get through it, but may never get over it. One day at a time…..
I also do not know what you are experiencing, but I can feel your pain. I am so sorry for the loss of your husband, friend, confidant. Know that I think of you all the time, and pray for peace for you. One step in front of the other. You will never get over it, but you will get through it. God’s blessings to you.
A hug from afar. I know how hard it is to be alone after losing a loved one. Know your family loves you and just keep reaching out
I too have a glimpse of what you are experiencing through my mom. It’s only been 9 months since my dads passing and she and we kids still struggle with it everyday. The alone time for her, as with you, is when she struggles the most. I personally don’t think you are burdening anyone with crying and you shouldn’t try to quell your emotions for fear of that. You lost the love of your life, you will never be the same and you shouldn’t try to be…you can hold him in your heart until you see him again…and you will see him again!
In those times of overwhelming grief and tears I like to believe that I’m feeling those sentiments because that person’s spirit is present and my grief turns into love and appreciation for what they mean to me. It’s the only way I get past those moments.
So sorry you are struggling. I will keep you in my prayers. God blesses those who mourn, for they will be comforted. (Matthew 5:4) He heals the brokenhearted and bandages their wounds. (Psalm 147:3)
Love you, Lisa! You are always welcome to cry with me. â¤ï¸
My heart breaks for you. Just a few days ago you were on my mind, thinking about what I supposed can be lonely times for you. I said a prayer, as I often do, for you. I am so sorry you must endure this, and glad you could share your feelings here so that we can pray for peace of mind, support, and encouragement.
I love you Lisa!
Love and Hugs! You can call me ANYTIME, you know that. Come join me any eve here, just stop by. Frankie loves when you visit too, and he say he loves spending time with you!:)
SORRY
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I don’t know what you are feeling, so I don’t feel like I can give you the words you need. Thinking of you today as you go through this.